Something Has Changed Within Me

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I’m through with playing by the rules

Of someone else’s game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It’s time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes and leap!

 

 

Do you ever feel like you aren’t sure what you want to do with your life? Do you ever feel like you’ve made a mistake somewhere and now you’re stuck? Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t changed your mind at different points of your life, and where you would be?

That’s how I feel.

 

I’m a teacher. A special education teacher to be more specific. I teach at a high school in an urban setting. This can come with certain challenges, and with a lot of rewards.

 

But the expectations put on me to be Super Woman when I’m at work, well that’s a challenge.

In school, they prepare you to teach. They prepare you to teach the content, to write lesson plans, to keep logs of every parent contact, that sort of stuff. However, I think I missed the class that really informed me that I’m an adult.

 

I missed the transition from college kid, with no worries except my tendency to procrastinate homework, into being responsible for, and keeping a room full of 17-year-olds alive when I’m only a few years older than them.

 

That is the moment I truly knew I was an adult.

 

I was adulting, sure.

 

I graduated college, had 2 jobs, and was paying all my bills no problem, but I still didn’t feel like an adult. I just felt like I was an invincible 20-something running around with no problems.

 

But then I walked into the classroom, and I was the adult, and I was responsible for keeping these kids alive.

Scary.

 

Although I have only been teaching for a few years, I often think about is this what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Most of the people I have worked with, are older, and this is not their first career.

So as a 20-something, this makes me think….is this what I want to do for the next 40 years? If it isn’t, what else is there out there for me to do? What else can I do with this degree? What if I don’t want my principal to yell at me for filling out this form in black ink instead of blue ink? What if I want to do something else one day, and I wasted my opportunities just following everyone else waiting for a chance to appear.

 

I’m not going to do that.

It’s time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes and leap!

I’m going to go out, and make my life what I want it to be. I will teach, and I will also be an entrepreneur. I want to turn my hobbies into businesses.

 

I want to be the teacher that shows my students that you can do anything you want if you work hard. That you can be that new video game designer, or you can be that new chef. You can be the best hair stylist in the world, or you can open your own medical clinic. I want to lead by example.

 

We ask our students what they want to be when they grow up. I tell them what I want to be too, because I never plan to stop growing.